then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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