dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I need moral support for this bender
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize