It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
