I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
