guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
In other news, I just burned my penis
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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