I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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