Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Please don't give away my fajitas
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize
