Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
