tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
