I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
bring money and cleavage
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
You have to summon your inner elephant
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize