You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Randomize
