took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Randomize