I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
