So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize