I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
id be glad to
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
