Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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