he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
