Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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