I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
