Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
