Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
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