You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
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