Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
