...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
operation have a gay friend backfired
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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