Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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