Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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