Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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