So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
