either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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