if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
