thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
