I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
