I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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