Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Randomize
