If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
