God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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