We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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