I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
