i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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