People in love make me want to vomit
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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