I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
