I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
