So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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