I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Randomize
