you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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