morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
