god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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