the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
