I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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