yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
