yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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