Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
