Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
