Kiss
Puke
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
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