the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I checked into jail on foursquare
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
