i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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