he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
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