I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
