Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
