dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Randomize
