DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
