I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
