She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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