Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
