I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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