morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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