when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
